Before I tell this story, let me tell you this: I thought I got a birthday present from my wife last year.
Long before, I started realizing the feasibility of actually owning a Global Positioning System. Prices had come down, as they always do for such techno gadgets. So, I began dropping hints. Sure enough, on my 32nd birthday (September 18), Kelly gave me my prized GPS. I was so excited.
Now, in the months prior, I had been talking it up – telling her how much fun it would be to have one, how cool it would be to know exactly where we were going at all times, and that even she, a non-map person, would love it. She would roll her eyes and write off my comments as the mad rants of a map-obsessed man.
So, how much have I enjoyed my GPS? Not much. Why? Because I can’t seem to get it out of her car.
She LOVES it. See, I didn’t think this through. I should never have asked my wife to give me something that she needed so badly. She won’t give it up. I’ve asked for it on a number of occasions, but she always makes her case that she needs it more. And she does. Being the more directionally functional spouse, GPS would only serve my perceived wants. For her, it meets her actual needs. For me, I thought it was cool that the little arrow would tell you where you needed to turn and the little voice prompt would prepare you every .2 of a mile for you next turn (in that inhumanly human voice with the awkward pauses). For her, that arrow meant the freedom to never have to wonder whether the next turn was a right or a left. That voice was the person in the car that would never forget she needed to know where she was going.
Now, there is a positive side to this. Before she had it, I would sometimes get multiple phone calls a day at work:
“Hello?”
“Hey – I’m on Franklin Rd. Which way do I go, right or left?”
“Well, I don’t know – where are you trying to go?”
“To Yellow Porch – which way do I turn???”
“Which way are you going on Franklin Rd.?”
“I don’t know!! Awww -man! Too late. JEFF!”
You remember those story problems where one of the multiple choice answers was something like “E. Not enough information”? Exactly.
So, I laugh at my wife. I mourn my GPS. And I look forward to this September when I will get my own.
hilarious…. welcome to the bloggings jeff.
That’s pretty funny man,… hey question, i like your blog’s under title… it got me thinking,.. i think i get what you meant, but tell me what’s all in the “Vertically Unchallenged”… love you bro,
-m-
Jeff-
I’m sold! Now I’ve figured out how to get a GPS “thing!” I’ll get one ‘for my parents’ while they’re in Nashville. I’m so tired of drawing directions to and from Old Hickory! THEN, I can use it when they’re not up here…hee…hee!
Jill
As you know…I laughed out loud when reading this. I do love that GPS. So glad you’ve started blogging! Love you…K
I love this! Its about time my friend…now I get both sides of the same story!
and hilarity has ensued at the stallings household having read the maiden blog post – HA! too funny . . .
Haha…Josh can commiserate with you and the frantic “tell me where to turn NOW” phone calls
.
Love reading your blog! Thanks for sending me the link. I also love the GPS story, not only because it made me laugh, but because it’s actually a perfect picture of how love is supposed to work. It’s beautiful that you haven’t selfishly taken back your present, but instead, you saw how much more valuable it is to Kelly, so you will wait until your next birthday to get one that you can actually use! Maybe you won’t have to wait until September!
Ok, I think I just woke up my kids. Bahahahahaha, hilarious! I was seriously doubting the use of the speaking woman on my son’s GPS mobile phone, however, now I love her! Modern technology scares me a little but this is such a help at finding places. Thanks for your blog. Funny stuff! Love it, Blessings to you!